They say, (statistically speaking- of course) that Wednesday is the best day to fire someone. I guess because there are more cases of people going postal earlier in the week, and if you do it on Friday that gives the former employee 2 unproductive days to stew in their indignation.

For us, the call came at 12PM. Noon, Wednesday- 10AM Hawaii and 2PM for the next most eastern district- vey calculated and corporate. Our usually regal regional manager’s voice had an uncharacteristic and unsettling quality to it. With in the first few sentences the band aid was off: “over the next 60 days, all 660 stores will be closed. Severance will be provided for those who we cannot relocate… there will be no questions at this time”

I remember looking over into the next cubicle: seriously? I had just received my 2^nd promotion. 4 figure commission checks were becoming normal. I had plans to interview for my own franchise in the near future. That Corvette I always wanted was becoming reality. I was the top producer in our district and known regionally. People called me for advice. It took me a year and a half of awkward meetings, thousands of butchered cold calls, and humbling rejection: but I was finally one of the best.

To frost the cake, a friend and I had gotten what we thought was some great news that morning: congratulations! You’ve finally been approved for a beautiful 3 bedroom house in Pismo Beach. Fantastic, we’ll be by with the deposit on our lunch, Steph.

That night as I grudgingly crammed my life into 3’x4’ packing boxes and hurled them into the back of a dark storage unit, I had a moment of clarity: The conclusion to any facet of life is really just a door opening to welcome in new experience- and in the end, isn’t that the point of life- the experience?

It’s a lot like going to a new school (for me, anyway): you awkwardly stumble through the first 3 years, and grow as a person. Then you’re a senior- you have a cute girlfriend, a car, a comfortable niche of friends. On the surface level it’s great, but not if you stay a 5^th year.  Then it’s over, life snatches that carpet from under your feet. Before you know what happened you’re cramming your stuff in the trunk of mom’s Accord, a small fish in a big pond again: the growth cycle repeats.

I think when people stagnate in life they stop growing. The timing was almost uncanny- it’s like the cosmos did this just for me; whispering in my ear: “come on kid… I did this all for you. You learned everything you could have here…You were meant for bigger and better things. This is what you asked for, so don’t show me any tears.”

I guess I had this ideal that life would kind of set and gel after college. I had this erroneous schema of how life is structured: you go to college, find a job, get promoted, find a girl, have some kids, and maybe somewhere in the mix you join a bowling league. Then you die.

The older I get the less I feel I know. Dichotomies blend. New growth and experience are constant. Every few years I feel like a new person. Exciting stuff.

Thousands upon thousands are yearly brought into a state of real poverty by their great anxiety not to be thought of as poor.

—Robert Mallett

In the seventh grade, my history teacher Ms. Aranow posed a question I still remember today: she asked the class “why do you think it is the Native Indians were less technologically advanced than the European settlers?”

There are probably many plausible answers to this question. The one that I found most insightful and provocative is that they didn’t have a monetary system. Everything was either communal or had to be bartered for. No one mastered trades, no one mass produced anything. If you wanted a blanket, you traded some arrows. Life was that simple.

In a lot of ways the Native Indians remind me of Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden. Everyone probably led simple, contentment filled lives. People ate stuff off trees and walked around naked.

Aside from that, the deeper parallel to the Biblical reference is that there were no major wars and probably little stress in day to day life- also missed were monuments, cultural history, great works of art, and the slew of other complexities that come with money. Arguably, Natives didn’t know the depth of pain and pleasure Europeans had experienced.

I work for a large commercial bank. Not the largest, but to give you an idea we have about 280,000+ employees. If everyone made minimum wage (even the tellers make significantly more) that comes out to about $19,000,000 in salaries for a day. Forget all the high paid executives, forget all the property rent, and forget that the company still made a profit last quarter (do you know how much a days worth of toilet paper costs for a company that size!? I estimate about $32,000- and that’s assuming we buy the cheap crap- it’s middle of the road at worst).

Can we agree the company spends well, well over 19+ mil a day? So where does all this value you come from?

From people who bite the apple. From people who want the flash and all the status and power that it entails now- and choose not to wait. From people who finance cars, houses, jewelry, and rims (really) they can’t pay cash for- and collectively end up paying somewhere far north of 19+ million a day for it.

The thought is both ironic and paradoxical: people who can’t really afford things have amassed enough wealth to support a lucrative multi-billion dollar banking industry, as well as lubricate the monetary cogs that are part of the industrial machine which produces the modern life we know: full of science, amazingly skilled professionals, brutal wars, beautiful art, and money motivated politics- to name a few.

I’m not assigning value to this- I think it is clear that a dichotomous “good” or “bad” label would be childish and shortsighted. I’m merely pointing out a truth- if no one financed anything we could literally redirect enough value to create hundreds, if not thousands of millionaires a day. But where would we be?

Behind gates: heaven or hell? mansion or jail?

A few weeks ago my District Manager was in our local office, dishing out an obligatory Monday morning motivational sales speech.  Somewhere between the crisp one-liners and standard weekly commitments, he paused and reflectively digressed from the trodden path. The monologue really stuck with me:

I think everyone wants to be successful… everyone wants to drive the nice car, have the income, have a nice body. We all want the six pack abs, but who’s really willing to do what it takes? Who’s going to work out everyday and eat high fiber cereal?

At first his little speech stuck with me because I thought it was amusing. High-fiber cereal? Where did that come from? But it was real, and I totally got his message- while peak fitness is a little more complex than working out everyday and eating high fiber cereal, that really is pretty much the crux of successful fitness program.

It’s very simple. Not easy, but simple. You simply have to do the things you probably already know you should be doing, do them everyday, and don’t cut corners. Eating right + exercise, and how many people do we have who are so unhappy with their body that it negatively influences their self image? It’s insane. It’s so remedial, that this kind of advice is often dismissed.

I think this example really hit home as well because fitness is the one area of my life where I feel I’ve had real success. It feels great when people come up and ask me ‘what do you do for your back?’ or ‘what supplements do you take?’ then people wrinkle their noses when I tell them supplements are a waste, and I do a shitload of pull ups and eat clean when I can. It’s not sexy. Everyone wants a magic pill or some secret tip that will let them skip the doing part, the execution.

While there have definitely been points in my life where I have been 100% satisfied with my fitness, that wasn’t always the case. I started out with a goal in mind, and worked my ass off to get it. I was religious about it. I was going to the gym 5 times a week and pushing myself to failure on every set. It didn’t matter if I was sick or it was raining, or if I had to go alone- which I almost always did. I was eating that high-fiber cereal. Badass.

Now I’m 23 and my aspirations have definitely changed. I don’t care as much about looking good, I’d rather be highly successful in my career choice. While I’ve done well at my job, I want to have the level of success I’ve had with fitness: I want to be able to reflect on that area of my life and honestly say to myself ‘yeah… there’s nothing here that I have control over that I would change’.

I think it’s time to go back to the fundamentals that made me great at other things; it’s time to get tough. I’ve really lost myself these past few months, amidst family problems and a couple messy break ups I think I let myself get soft. With no more distractions, I’m finally ready to mash the pedal to the floor.

It’s time for 100 cold calls a day. It’s time to read and motivate myself in my off time. It’s time to start coming in on the weekends. It’s time to stop drinking. It’s time to start actually doing at least the things I know will help. It’s not going to be sexy or fun. Who cares. It will be worth it. Courage is simply a decision. It’s time to get sick. It’s time to get on some double-day, power tie, Boiler Room shit. It’s time for some high-fiber cereal.

Now be relentless; that’s it. I’m done.

Now come on everybody, let’s make cocaine cool!
We need a few more half naked women up in the pool–
And hold this MAC-10 that’s all covered in jewels
Now can you please put your titties closer to the 22s?
And now hold up your chain slow motion through the flames
Now cue the smoke machines and the simulated rain…

Daydreamin’, – Lupe Fiasco ft. Jill Scott

When I first started in the banking industry, I remember being shocked at the amount of debt people had. Now I don’t even flinch when I pull a credit report and see 20, 30… 50K in credit card debt. 3 vehicles financed. A mortgage, and a home equity line of credit. It’s almost pathological.

I don’t know when it became normal to carry thousands of dollars on a credit card, but it is. I think it has a lot to do with people’s ego: 90% of the time people finance crap they don’t even need. The feather that broke the camel’s back is always the luxury car, big mortgage payment, or credit card debt.

I’m sure it’s a cultural thing. The difference between driving a Mercedes and a Honda to work isn’t just the leather seating. The price label isn’t justified by just the material value: leather seats and a sleek design isn’t worth the extra 25K. But that’s just it- you aren’t just buying leather seats. You’re buying a piece of identity. Big businesses have made things into identity, and society has bought it. I think Eckhart Tolle describes this phenomena best:

The people in the advertising industry know very well that in order to sell things that people don’t really need, they must convince them that those things will add something to how they see themselves or are seen by others; in other words, add something to their sense of self… And so in many cases you are not buying a product but an “identity enhancer.”

Designer labels are primarily collective identities that you buy into. They are expensive and therefore “exclusive.” If everybody could buy them, they would lose their psychological value and all you would be left with would be their material value, which likely amounts to a fraction of what you paid.

Paradoxically, what keeps the so-called consumer society going is the fact that trying to find yourself through things doesn’t work: The ego satisfaction is short-lived and so you keep looking for more, keep buying, keep consuming.

This last part I’ve found to be especially true- whenever I get something I thought I really wanted (a new car, clothes, maybe even a girl I was really attracted to) I’ll be on a high for a few weeks, or months depending on  how much significance I endowed the acquisition. Eventually, however, this high inevitably wears off and I am left with an addictive dysphoria. I’ll be irritable and obsessive- Only if I had this, only if I made this, only if I had her.

Even though I am aware that I have plenty, and that our consumer culture is fundamentally flawed, I am not ready to let go of the chase either. Maybe I am not fully convinced-despite undeniable evidence- that money can’t make you happy.

Maybe I need to actually get rich and see that I am still unsatisfied to fully accept the fallacy of consumerism. Until then, I am enjoying the chase. I also don’t think our materialistic culture is going to change anytime soon. Our generation has plenty of people who are identified with this kind of lifestyle- I’m not shaking my finger, either- I’m just as shallow as the next 23 year old. And yes, I am impressed by the size of your 401K and that Prada purse. I’ll admit it.

To conclude,  it seems knowing isn’t always enough. I think people have to be really ready to change. With any kind of addiction, I’ve noticed that no amount of factual information, peer pressure, or first hand experience will cause a lasting change. It has to come from within. You have to be ready to let it go, and it has to be for you.

And take a hard look at yourself before you start calling any Kettles black—so maybe it isn’t cars and clothes for you, but almost everyone gets their sense of importance from something material or conceptual. Maybe it’s a home, a job title, a degree or a family. Either way, a dynasty of luxury car companies, rap videos, and designer clothing lines wouldn’t exist if I was the only one who thought like this. I hate it when people blame the media, our society, the banks for the way we spend. In other words, if you’re payin’ rent on shit you aren’t even supposed to own, don’t complain when the banks get as greedy as you.

Well I went down to have my fortune told.
Well I went to see the gypsy to have my fortune told.
She said “You ain’t got no future, you ain’t never growing old,”

And the clouds keep rolling on in.

Well, how many times have I defied the cold clutches of death?
And how many times have I stopped short from taking that last step?
And every time I’ve tried to hurt you, I have only hurt hurt myself,

And the clouds keep rolling on in.

It was a warm New Years Eve, we we’re in South L.A. at a concert, waiting for David Guetta to come on. I was sipping a beer, standing with my friends, eying a guy in a wheel chair doing ‘light shows’ for people. He was wearing a mask that the Jabbawockeez had recently popularized. It was pretty trippy looking, I’ll admit. He was a young guy, built. His girlfriend was cute, she had a certain hometown appeal to her that I can’t describe; like you knew she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but that’s partly why she was so adorable.

“That’s a sick mask”

“Thanks, you want a light show?”

“No, I’m good. I’m not really into that…”

I pause for a second and then let my curiosity best my manners:

“But, if you don’t mind me asking, what happened to your leg?”

I said it in a nonchalant way; almost dismissively. I guess I didn’t really care much, just a conversation piece. No one was sober. I asked just to ask. Besides, a kid his age? He probably broke it playing football or hurt his back riding a motorcycle. It was probably a good story, I thought. What happened next made my stomach drop.  Jarod (I’d find out later) looked right at me. I could tell he was taller than me, but he had to look up anyways because of the wheelchair. With a one-sided, hair lipped smile, he paused, and dropped it on me:

“I just got back from Iraq.”

I swallowed. My mouth went dry and I wasn’t sure how to feel. Anxious? Embarrassed? I’m not entirely ignorant, I’ve seen the news. I’ve read the stories.  I’ve seen veterans missing limbs or maimed before. But never anyone my age, not in person, talking to me as another human being.  This was different; this was real. This I could relate to, empathize with. This wasn’t the 60+ year old Vietnam vet who looked too old and decrepit to have ever been quick on his feet anyways, who fought in some esoteric war before I was born. This guy was my age, athletic, went to the same events I went to, liked the same music I like.

We stood there in silence while digested what had just happened.

“Fuck man… what happened?”

Sensitivity has never been my forte; but I asked in a way that he must have understood, because he smiled and grabbed the cuffs of both his jean legs and pulled up from the ankle. My stomach dropped even further. Really? both Legs? He had on normal shoes, but where his ankles should have been 2 copper poles- about a quarter’s length in diameter- protruded out of loosely hanging Fruit of the Loom socks. I put my thumb on my temple and stood there with my hand covering my forehead and my left eye, just cringing and looking like a dumbass.

“It was just a random EID on the side of the road. We weren’t even the bomb squad, I just stepped too close to it and BAM! Next thing I knew my ears we’re ringing?”

“A what?”

He went on to explain what an IED was, an “Improvised Explosive Devise”. Basically it’s a home made bomb that terrorists use, and they fill them with shards, just random shit they hope will help to mutilate people- nails, sharp rocks, Jarod caught a metal casing from a machine gun bullet in the back of his foot.

“So was you’re leg, I mean your legs, we’re they just like in pieces all over the side of the road?” (I had to know. I wanted to see this in my mind. We were past formalities- – It was like a really graphic or disturbing picture: you know its going to be seared into your memory whether you want it there or not, but you take a minute to really dissect it an appreciate all of the nasty, morbid little nuances  anyways.)

“no, it wasn’t like that. This one, there was a piece of metal shrapnel through the back here. About that long”

He makes a space with his index finger and thumb about 4 inches apart, and then pulls his right leg into his lap, pointing to his calcaneus, a large bone in the back of the heel. It’s where your Achilles tendon attaches, and it basically provides the bone structure for the back of your foot. It’s pretty important.

“this was a mess, and most of the meat on my left leg was, like, just gone.”

“So will you ever walk again?”

By now I’m completely engrossed in this guy and his story. Jarod pops out of his chair, or at least he tries to, as he cocks his head to the side and raises his forearms about shoulder height, palms out, smiling:

“hell yea!?”

I told him the truth; that I’d never actually met anyone who’d been crippled fighting in Iraq, how close to home it finally felt, and how sorry I was that it’d happened. Maybe he felt the pain I felt for him and it made him uncomfortable, or maybe he just is an incredibly positive, reseliant person- I’d like to believe the latter:

“It’s not a big deal. This kind of shit happens, I’m not gonna let it get me down.”

I can only imagine how going through something like that would be like. I can only imagine looking down at where my legs should be and seeing a pool of blood form in the tan sand on the side of the road, in some foreign country thousands of miles away from where I live.

I can only imagine the thoughts going through my head lying alone in some military hospital, wondering, hoping they wouldn’t amputate. I can only imagine how it would feel to find out that yes- sorry Jarod. Both of them. From the knee down. But don’t worry, they’ve made some amazing break-throughs in prosthetics in the past decade. And the really great news is the government will pay for everything!

I can only imagine the plane ride home, having to take a commercial airline and enduring the adulations of people who didn’t really get it- – you’re a god damn war hero, son. I’d just like to shake your hand. Thank you! Fuuuck you.

I can only imagine having my mom pick me up from the airport, and having to explain to her what had happened. Having her cry and trying not to, even though not so long ago I was the one who’d cry when I was hurt; and she was the pillar of strength.

I can only imagine what something like that would do to my self esteem: never being able to carry a girl off to bed or make love on the beach, or meet anyone new without being asked or judged by the wheelchair.

I can only imagine calling my girlfriend  and  having to clarify why I’d be coming home sooner, and that it would be O.K. if she wanted to just break things off now, that I’d understand, and then wondering whether if deep down she really wanted to even after forced out ‘No, of course not!’ through broken sobs.

I guess I realized two things from meeting this guy. First of all, I never really worried or even thought about the war until now. I just didn’t care. I was too caught up in my own little bubble, living my own life, to actually realize that our generation, a generation that grew up with the internet, without every witnessing slavery, a generation I’d like to think is pretty enlightened an evolved, is still making home-made bombs to maim and kill people. People are still killing and maiming each other. I would never wish that on my worst enemy. I can’t even fathom the level of hate and/or ignorance it would take to do something so nauseating.

The second thing I realized is its all about your attitude, how you perceive the situation. I think if I lost my legs, that would have kind’ve been it for me: I’d probably be depressed, angry, I’d try to blame it on people and events in my life… It would have been ugly. Jarod just kind of shrugged it off- it happened, accept it, and move on. I’ll try and harbor this attitude next time I face a life challenge I feel is unfair or daunting, and be thankful I still have me legs.

When I was a kid (1990’s) raves seemed like seedy underground, often illegal, venues catering almost exclusively to subversive drug users and defiant teens. They were anything but mainstream. At least that’s the way the media portrayed it; and it worked– I certainly never wanted to touch one with a ten foot pole. They seemed too hardcore, too seditions, too damn weird. I never heard of any of the artist or songs, the venues were shabby, makeshift basement or warehouses, and the only people I knew who were into that kind of thing were hard drug users.

Well… this summer (2009) I went to one- some friends were going and I told myself I’d start trying new things. First of all, I have to preface what I’m about to describe by letting you know I wasn’t into trance music, friendship bracelets, glowsticks, or any of the crap I typically assumed would be associated with a rave. I was so skeptical.

When we got there, I realized not only was the $80 ticket justified, but that these events had been completely mainstreamed, re-branded, and commercialized. They are no longer referred to as ‘raves’—I presume because of the connotation and press the word has received in the past years. Instead, you are looking at ‘festivals’ like Electric Daisy Carnival, Together As One, Love Fest, etc…

Allow me to paint a picture for you: The venues are huge, nothing drab- mostly in huge sports stadiums, with elaborate, impressive lighting and décor (I think TAO is in the Clippers stadium). Some if this lighting I can’t even describe, because there’s nothing to really compare it with. There are hired professional entertainers, dancers, fire blowers, people in costumes, on stilts, I even saw a pro bodybuilder (disgusting but awesome). Carnival rides. Full bars. 8 dollar water.  It was like the Mr. Hyde of DisneyLand with the price tag to match.

The cops are still there, but not to break it up- it’s more of a ‘let’s keep everyone safe’ feeling. They’d have to be, because the one thing that’s stayed consistent with these raves, festivals, whatever you want to call them- is the drugs. It’s a safe guess that the majority of people, and I’m saying this conservatively, are on drugs. And it is so obvious.

So here’s my commentary; the so what: I think it’s amazing how far the government, the law, people’s values, and American culture is willing to turn its head for a buck. Well lets do the math- EDC had 140,000 people, at $80 a piece (let’s ignore how many $8 waters everyone bought) that’s 11.2 million. Not bad for 1 night. I’d like to see the Clippers pull that kind of crowd .

I just find it remarkable how hard the government campaigned against drugs and yet as soon they found a ‘legal’ rhmm taxable way to support this kind of venue, it was mainstreamed overnight. Just look at David Guetta, the headliner for TAO- you know, the guy who did GRRR, the hardcore, underground DJ? The King of House? The one that just now came out with a song with Akon, Kid Cudi, Kelly Rowland,  Julie McKnight and a few other mainstream superstars? I guess cash really is king, because 10 years ago no one was getting their hands dirty with this shit.

I’m not saying the promoters are selling these kids pills at the door, but they are hosting a venue with full knowledge that that stuff goes on, and the police have to look the other way pretty hard. Yes, if it’s blatant you will get arrested, but for the most part everyone in charge is O.K. with it.

And you know what, I am too. I’m not saying drugs are O.K., but I’m also not saying that this mainstreaming and commercialization of something once thought unmarketable is bad- I think it’s great. The venues are better, the people have more fun, they’re safer, and I think Sexy Bitch rocks. On top of that, everyone makes some money, including Uncle Sam. I just wish he would stop being so anti-drug except for when it’s economically convenient. It’s deceptive and I’m tired of the government treating it’s citizens like children.

Anyways, if Insomniac Events ever had an IPO I’d buy stock. I really only see this getting bigger.

I’ve been feeling pretty unsure about myself and the direction my life has been going lately. To be honest, I’ve been really stressed and anxious about it (does it even have direction?) so the other night I actually took some time to sit down, and write out my goals. This was the first time I think I’ve ever actually sat down and detailed a goal before; and let me just say I feel so much better now that I have a plan and some direction.

I’ve always been told that setting goals is important, but it never really clicked as to why. I just saw sitting down and writing out my goals as a pain in the ass, so I never really did it. I also think it’s kind of scary to actually materialize your goals like that (what if you never accomplish them!).

Before I get into my 12 steps on effective goal setting (which I condensed from Brian Tracy’s Psychology of Success–yes, I’m a huge nerd) let me just talk briefly about why so few people set specific goals for themselves. I know more than one of these reasons applied to me, and when I saw it on paper I realized what a coward I was being.

1)      People don’t understand the importance of having goals, so they don’t bother to set any. I remember reading a study done on Harvard students. After graduation, the graduates were interviewed and asked if they had set specific goals for their life after college, and if they had mapped out a plan to achieve these goals. Only 3% had. What was really interesting to me is that in a 20-year-after follow up study, it was found that the 3% who had mapped out goals and a means of achieving them had a higher net worth than the other 97% of the graduating class. Combined!

Another reason to set and write out goals is it ingrains them into your subconscious. Our subconscious controls a lot of our automated actions and thoughts. It makes sense to have these thoughts and actions align with what we want in life.

Also consider that all really successful people have or have had definite goals. Seriously: go talk to anyone you believe to be very successful and ask them. I try to avoid absolutes but I feel like this one is pretty true, and profound.

2)      Fear of rejection. We are afraid to have goals because we fear others might belittle us or tell us we can’t accomplish it, we’re too slow, too uneducated, etc. This is why it is best to only share your goals with other people who set goals and would be excited to encourage you. Otherwise, keep them to yourself.

3)      Fear of failure. This fear comes from the lack of realization that failure is a necessary part of achieving any worthwhile success. You will never realize your goal until you have taken the knocks, done the grunt work, and learned the lessons necessary to achieve greatness. What did Edison say? ‘I haven’t failed in making the light bulb, I’ve successfully identified 5,000 ways that it can’t be made’- something like that. You get the message.

4)      People don’t know how to set goals. I didn’t. I had to go out and learn. Here is the best process I’ve found so far. Here are the steps:

1)      The first thing is identify something that you want badly. It has to be a burning desire. And make it something completely selfish, for example avoid goals like “I want to lose weight for my boyfriend”. A goal has to be completely personal and selfish.

2)      2^nd Step: Belief. You have to believe you can do it, so set realistic goals. If you’re conscious mind can’t accept the goal, your subconscious won’t either. If you want to increase your income, increase it in %50 increments (annual salary). This is believable. Make realistic steps that you can visualize and affirm. Your goals should make you stretch, and have a 50/50 chance of working. 50/50 means it’s gonna be hard, it’s gonna take you out of your comfort zone; but it also means its very likely to happen.

3)      3^rd Step: Write it down– this is how you program it into the subconscious. Write it in vivid detail. Use sensory descriptions.

4) Determine all the ways you will benefit from achieving your goal. Usually there is more than one perk that comes with reaching a goal. Maybe its more money, more respect, or simply increased self confidence for attaining your goal. The more reasons you can give your mind to do it, the more motivation you will have.

5)      Determine exactly where you are today in regards to your goal. How can you measure progress and know where you are going if you don’t know where you start?

6)      Set a deadline. Make it quantifiable. Measurable. The only time we feel happy, like a winner, is when we are moving towards a goal. Unless we can clearly measure the start, the end, and our steps along the way, we won’t have that winning feeling which is a huge motivation/makes us positive.

7)       Determine the obstacles along the way. A goal must have obstacles by definition. If it didn’t, it’s just an activity. Identify the hurdles, and resolve to pay the price to get through them. (They usually look a lot more manageable on paper, btw).

8)       Identify the knowledge you will need to get in order to attain your goal. All worthwhile goals will require that you learn and gain new knowledge. So find out what you need to know, and then learn it.

9)      Identify groups/mentors/people you will need to cooperate with you on your way to your goal. Figure out what you are going to do for them in order to get their cooperation.

10)    Make a plan- and make it detailed. Make a list of activities you will need to do, then list them in order of time and priority. This plan is dynamic, go back and change it constantly. It will need adjustments along the way.

11)    Make a clear visualization of your goal as already accomplished. Play that picture of your goal in your mind frequently. The more the better.

12)   Back your plan with determination and resolve. Make the absolute, unequivocal commitment to get it done, to pay the price. JUST WIN BABY.  Self discipline is persistence in action, and persistence is a measure of your belief in yourself. If you are very willing to pick  yourself up every time, it becomes very obvious to your subconscious that you believe strongly in your ability.

If you don’t have any goals, it’s probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Now. And just have one at a time, so you can  focus on it fully.

In sports, they call it “flow”. It’s that feeling of being unstoppable, of fulfillment, of unconditional disregard for life’s day to day issues that usually litter our psyche.

It’s the feeling you get when you are 100% immersed in an activity; completely and wholly absorbed by it. You don’t feel pain, you don’t worry, you don’t even think at all. It’s almost an out of body experience. Hours seem like minutes- it’s almost meditative. Your mind goes blank, and you just feel ‘in the zone’.

If you’ve never played sports, sex is an example that almost anyone can relate too. When you are having sex, you aren’t thinking about anything—you are fully focused and absorbed in the act. You are totally present. You aren’t worried about work, or thinking about something else (hopefully). This is one of the reasons sex is so fulfilling.

When we worry or think about things we aren’t presently doing, all we are doing is wasting psychic energy. It’s impossible to change something by thinking about it. But you can drain yourself psychically. Recall a day that seemed particularly stressful. Chances are you didn’t exert yourself anymore or take on any extra work; you probably just did a lot of worrying about something. In other words, you weren’t being present.

When I first heard ‘just be present’ I was almost dismissive because it’s such a simple concept, but as a guy who worries (less now) I’ve found it very profound.

Whatever you do on a day to day basis, I encourage you to just become fully immersed in the activity at hand. Stop thinking, just do it. Feel it. Get into it. You’ll find life much more rewarding.

1) Make your presentation emotionally appealing, metaphorical/anecdote laden, and value oriented

Some people us statistics like a drunken mans uses a lamppost- for support rather than illumination.

This is perhaps the strongest, most effective, and least abrasive way you can avoid hearing your client say “I need to think about it”. Here’s why it works: the left side of the brain is analytical. It crunches numbers, assess risk, etc. It does not get involved in the decision process. Ever. Calculating risk and weighing options are mutually exclusive with making decisions. Ever heard of “choking” in sports or other high pressure situations? This happens because the athlete’s left side is so busy assessing risk and making calculations that they literally freeze up and fail to make that crucial split second decision. Since selling is all about getting people to make new decisions, doesn’t it make sense to communicate with the side of the brain that makes decisions?

So the question then becomes how do we effectively engage the right side of the brain? The right side of the brain reacts to emotions, anecdotes, stories, and values (because values are beliefs with emotion attached).  When you are explaining the benefits of your product or services, use personal anecdotes (or make some up), use fear, use anger, use metaphors. Read your client: what kind of people are they? Are the fearful? Ambitious? Prideful? Use emotions that tug on your clients strings on a personal level.

The right side of the brain is the emotional decision maker. Appeal to her. See how I painted a little picture there for you: The right side of the brain is female, emotional, and strong willed?—you’ll remember it from now on because I used an analogy (albeit a crappy one).  Emotion and the right side of the brain are strongly linked to memory, by the way. That’s why emotional presentations are the best recalled, too. If you’ve ever had a traumatic experience I’ll bet you can recall it vividly.  If you’ve ever been taught a lesson that tied in with a story or was linked to some mnemonic device, you probably recall it easily compared to the dry facts we choked down in high school. Recall an emotionally charged experience. A car accident, a fight, the first time you had sex. Chances are you remember it vividly. Yet another reason to avoid a stats heavy presentation: it will be quickly forgotten, like high school algebra.

In the beginning of this post I opened with a personal anecdote about my presentation: “It was informative, concise, and educational” – what I also needed to include was it was fucking boring. I probably didn’t take the time to find out what the clients values were, how the felt about the product or spending money, and what their real emotional drivers were. As a result, the presentation was dry and probably numbers focused. I sold the deal to half their brain; unfortunately the half that doesn’t make any decisions. Any time you can link emotion, value, and use metaphors to explain, you will have an edge at closing. You will have stimulated the right side of the brain.

If you’re product or service is intricate, using stories and metaphors is especially important. You will endear you’re clients with your ability to illuminate what may have seemed like complex and confusing issue with a simple story. Also, you will avoid using technical jargon which may confuse and intimidate people.  Warren Buffet was a master of the story telling approach to dealing with people, and it garnered him the love on fortunes of millions.

“A bull market is like a rising tide- everyone comes up together. It’s only when the tide goes out do we see who’s been swimming naked” – Warren Buffet on investing in a bull market

I really can’t stress this enough, emotions are the strongest, most addictive drugs on the planet. They will make people do insane, powerful, and irrational things. They will make people stay in abusive relationships, risk their lives, and disregard all reason. People will always go with their gut, and use ‘reason’ to justify their actions later. Have you ever seen someone do something in an emotionally charged situation and then heard them try and use logic to explain it later? Their rationalization is completely absurd, but they believe it with every once of being they have.

People don’t like to think that they are irrational or that emotions control their lives, but to a large extent they do. They make decisions for us. If you’ve ever been involved with someone who was ‘bad for you’, you can probably relate to this—you could sit down and list 50 reasons the relationship was abusive and unhealthy, but chances are you went back to that person until finally the emotions you felt subsided enough for you to leave.  The less mature and evolved a person is, i.e. the more emotions can forcibly kick them over into the passenger seat, the more important this kind of selling becomes. With very well rounded and centered clients you might be able to get away with a boring ‘just the stats’ presentation. But why risk it? You will get more referrals, and people will like and buy from you more if you can instill emotions in them.

If you are losing deals that ‘make sense’ for the client, i.e. your product will save them money, or cut their cost, or provide some other kind of hard statistical benefit, you are probably losing the deal because the weren’t emotionally invested in your presentation.

I remember vividly a number of deals where I was able to reduce the amount of interest clients were paying, reduce their monthly payments, and basically provide a gaggle of tangible benefits. When some of these clients walked out needing to ‘think about it’, I remember thinking are you fucking kidding me? The numbers looked great, the deal makes sense! It was extremely frustrating, but what I was failing to realize is that the amount of logical ‘sense’ an option has isn’t half as important as how a client feels about it.

This doesn’t mean you can’t use numbers, in fact if you can find out what emotional triggers your client has, and tie statistics in with that, then you have yourself a powerful presentation. This means you take the time to sit down with your client and uncover what is truly important to them. Let’s say you find out your client hates paying more than they have to for a service. If I had a product that would reduce cost, I would use statistics to talk about this. Just don’t ever forget that you’re talking to the right side of the brain; the stats are just the pepper on the steak.

In Storyselling for Financial Advisors Scott West uses a great analogy to illustrate how our brains work when interpreting information: Imagine that your client’s mind is a map of the United States, so that when you are looking at them the West Coast is on the left. On the East Coast you have Washington DC with its bureaucracy, regulations, and controls. You also have Walls Street with its number driven analysts and economists. On the West Coast you have Hollywood, with its visual stimulation, creativity, and emotionally compelling stories.

So what?

Take the time to interview your clients and uncover their true values and beliefs, before you ever pitch. This will also help build rapport, and we all know people buy from people they like, know, and trust. Interviewing will give you clues as to how to tailor your pitch, even if the end product you are selling is the same, you need to know which aspects to emphasize and which to downplay or omit completely.

“I Need to (#%*@) Think About it”

My tailored suit is pressed and crisp. My double Windsor segues flawlessly into a harmonizing color scheme, white teeth, and -what I hope- is a disarming smile. The presentation is informative, concise, and educational.

I make an attempt at being directive:

“So I’ll go ahead and get the documents ready?”

It’s not supposed to sound like a question, but it does a little. My coolness and self assurance is somewhat rattled– I can feel their hesitancy; it lingers so thick in the air that it’s palpable. I can taste it. He looks timidly at his wife, who appears perhaps even more indifferent. My stomach sinks.

“Well, what do you think, honey?”

Why is he asking her!? My face feels suddenly flushed but I smile harder and lean forward intently. All eyes are on her now. I hold my breath (don’t throw me to the wolves, lady).

“I think we need to think about it?”

He smiles. He is relieved. Now he doesn’t have to tell me no, and he doesn’t have to make a difficult decision. He turns back to me with a content expression that reminds me of someone who just unzipped after a long car ride.

“Yea, I think this is something we need to think about for a few days. We’ll get back to you sometime next week”.

Anyone who has ever been in sales has heard “I need to think about it” more than they’d like. It’s one of the most confusing and frustrating objections to overcome; simply because it’s so damn vague. It can mean your client really isn’t interested but is too much of a pussy to tell you straight up, it could mean you didn’t answer some of their questions or concerns, it could mean they are still shopping, or in very rare cases it might actually mean they don’t make decisions immediately and really do need to think about it.

Either way, statistically speaking, it is very unlikely that these clients will come back. I need to think about it is the death sentence for something like 90% of deals.  If you are letting clients walk out, chances are you will never make that deal. While I still get this objection- and yes- lose deals to it, I have picked up a few tricks a long the way to help avoid the God-awful objection.

1)      Close door #3- the maybe door

Before a client even walks into your office, you already know how it will end. It can only end 3 ways: yes, no, or maybe. Those are the three doors you’re client will inevitably have to exit through. Not everyone will buy, but you can help eliminate the ‘maybe door’ with a simple script like this:

“Now, Mr. Costumer all that I ask is that you and your wife listen to what I have to say. Feel free to ask me any questions if you aren’t clear, and when we are done, just give me an old fashioned yes or no. Fair enough?” (They’ll appreciate that you’re directness and say yes)

“Great. Because if you tell me ‘maybe’ or ‘I have to think about it’ when we’re done, I feel like I haven’t done my job, which is giving you all the information you need to make an informed decision”

This is great because it’s high pressure without really feeling high pressure—basically what you are saying is “you better not fuckin’ tell me maybe!” but you’re doing it in a way that puts the fault on you: ‘I feel I haven’t done my job of giving you the necessary info if you say maybe’. The point here is you work hard as a salesperson; and if you know your product or service well, you deserve to be told yes or no. You don’t have time for wafflers, and you shouldn’t have to make it. You’re a professional.

(yes, Sean O’rielly, I got this from you. Don’t let you immense Irish dome get any bigger).

Inevitably you will get people who, despite your clear and concise disclaimer, will have the audacity to still try and use door #3, even though you strictly marked it as prohibited. At this point, they are crossing the line. Go ahead; you’re vindicated to dig in. Try this:

“John, when we first started we agreed on an old fashioned yes or no. I apologize; I must have done a poor job of explaining or gone too quickly. So- just to clarify, you do understand XY and Z (re-highlight all the main benefits of using your product/service), right? Great, well just to clarify my thinking, what part of this did you want to think about?”

Smooth as butter. This will probably bring up their real objection— the handling of which I will cover in my next post. You can also try this, compliments of Jesse Bender:

“John, in my experience when people tell me they need to think about it, it’s because I haven’t answered all their questions. So while we’re here together, what other questions or concerns did you have?”

2) Dig in if early in the sale cycle

if you hear I need to think about it early on in the sales process-I.E. on the initial call, or while you’re trying to set up a meeting (in other words before you have started pitching hard)- you need to dig in. Put your foot down now, because chances are this is a blow off- what do they need to think about? At this point you haven’t really given them anything to think about or object too, so what they are really saying is “I’m too nice to tell you no” or “I don’t respect you or your time enough to give you a straight answer”. That’s bullshit, and you need to call you client out on this before they waste your valuable time.